Summer Movies: A (Brief) Preview

[Note: The following is an email that I sent my friend to give him a bit of a breakdown about the movies I was/was not looking forward to over the summer. I figured last night that other people might enjoy it as well. If you have any thoughts, I'd love feedback/arguments/opinions!

Andy]

Real bored; thought I might help a brotha out and give you a list of the movies I’m excited for and the ones I’ll be avoiding.
 
Excite!
 
May:
-Star Trek (This weekend!). Looks real fun; very action-y if not really all that much of a sci-fi movie beyond setting
-Fast & Furious 6 (next weekend). This series is basically terrible, but it is really fun. If you’re looking for something to kill some time and enjoy yourself, this is a good look. Better in groups, especially ones with more guys.
-After Earth (2 weeks). This movie could be a gigantic dumpster fire as it’s an M. Night Shamalan movie, and his movies have sucked for the better part of the last decade. I’m hoping that there just isn’t a plot twist. Who knows. Definitely a risk, as it could be utter, putrid feces, but I think I’m prepared to take that risk.
-The Kings of Summer (2 weeks). Possibly excellent; this has an indie feel to it from the trailers but could end up being one of the funniest-in-a-charming-way movies of the summer. I’m really looking forward to this one.
-The Purge (2 weeks). I only found out about this one looking for movies for this list, so I havent seen any trailers. But it has an itneresting premise; I could be persuaded to see this one.
 
June:
-Much Ado About Nothing (June 7). Not the biggest fan of Shakespeare on film, but this one is directed by Joss Whedon (the Avengers, Buffy, Firefly, Serenity, etc) plus it’s got all his favorites, so I’m down.
-Man of Steel (June 14). Superman looks cool
-This is the End (June 14). A collection of pretty much the best comedy from my life ages 18-22 in one movie all playing themselves. Also has Hermione in it. I will be seeing it.
-World War Z (June 21). I’m not really excited to see this, but I will be seeing it. I really enjoyed the book, and I think that if they try to adapt it too closely, it’ll suck. If they don’t try to adapt it at all, why even use the name from the book? A conundrum to be sure.
 
July:
-Red 2 (July 19). I liked the first one a bunch, and I think this will be a really fun movie.
-The Wolverine (July 26). This can’t be as bad as the first one. This can’t be as bad as the first one. This can’t be as bad as the first one.
 
August:
-Elysium (August 9). District 9 + Matt Damon = I will watch this movie guaranteed.
-We’re The Millers (August 9). This comedy looks to be funny. Makers of Dodgeball bring you a drug dealer who invents a family as a cover for weed smuggling. Your girl Jennifer Aniston co-stars. [Jennifer Aniston is my buddy's life-long crush]
-Kick-Ass 2 (August 16). I enjoyed the first one, so I’ll be seeing this. -The World’s End (August 23). Comedy from same team as Shaun of the Dead/Hot Fuzz.
 
Poop!
 
May:
-The Hangover 3 (Next Weekend). This movie might be funny. I dunno. I didn’t watch the 2nd one and a lot of people told me it sucked and/or was the exact same movie as the first one. I might see this one anyway, but expectations certainly aren’t high.
-Now You See Me (May 31). The Prestige meets Ocean’s Eleven [Combining what seems to be the worst concepts of both movies]. Ugh. The trailer for this movie had me groaning and rolling my eyes the whole time. I think this movie will be bad and I hope I don’t get peer pressured into seeing it.
 
June:
-The Internship (June 7). Trying to recapture the magic is ugly business, and although it doesn’t seem like 8 years has gone by since Wedding Crashers (not even the funniest movie that summer), I’m not psyched for this one starring two guys past their comedic prime.
-The Heat (June 28). This would probably be a good date movie since girls love Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy, but otherwise I’d steer clear. Looks like all the funny parts were in the trailer, and those parts weren’t even that funny. Unless of course you have a vagina, in which case this movie looks like a must-see.
-White House Down (June 28). This movie looks exactly the same as Olympus Has Fallen, and I already saw that one. This one has a black president I guess.
-Redemption (June 28). [In British Voice] “I’m Jason Statham! No role refused! Especially if I can take my shirt off!”
 
July:
-The Lone Ranger (July 5). This movie just looks exactly like Pirates of the Caribbean to me except with horses instead of boats. I guess it will be alright, but the Pirates franchise just kinda stopped being interesting to me after the first one, and I don’t really need more of that.
-Pacific Rim (July 12). Robots! That fight! No, not Transformers. The other one.
-R.I.P.D. (July 19). After Ryan Reynolds fucked me with Green Lantern, I don’t want to see him in comic book-y movies anymore. Also I’m very jealous of his sexual history. This movie has an interesting premise, but looks to be disappointing.
 
August:
300: The Sequel (August 2). Dumpster. Fire.



Categories: Review

Tags: , , , , ,

1 reply

  1. May – Yes, yes, you would have to pay me to waste my time, not sure what the other 2 are. June – n/a, yes, n/a, yes. July – yes, Most definitely. Aug – yes, n/a yes. Poop – Meh.. Thanks for the previews =D

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